Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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