Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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