First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
