Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
