dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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