You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
