Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
