he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
