I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
