alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
