I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I understand Curling. That high.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
