Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
A+ Viking dick
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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