Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
