you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
