Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize