remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's no shave November. This is our time.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
