there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
