Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize