yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
