Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You ruined the universe
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
