I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
