we have officially mastered the walk of shame
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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