Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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