he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
