The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Randomize
