Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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