arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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