when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
