kristin has been a bad kristin
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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