If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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