is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
