you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
