Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
