So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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