well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She announced her abortion via fbk
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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