you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
