just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Girls should come with a carfax report
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
