i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
