We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
