People with herpes should wear stickers.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
