he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
