dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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