im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize