I wish I could punch you in the face.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize