I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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