How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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