Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
