An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
