We're like a lot better than the average bears
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize