you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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