Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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