Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
