dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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