does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
