I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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