Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
