Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize