I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
