Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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