I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize